Unwittingly re-engineering my life?

As anyone who's talked to me (or been talked at by me) lately knows, I am fairly well a-buzz about the Biology course I'm taking. Except for some unhappiness with the lecturer, I am delighted with every aspect of the experience, with particular love for the laboratory component. What is not to love about examining predator-prey relationships with a handful of blue plastic beads and a glass bowl? Love it.

But what is occurring to me is that by signing up for this class, and devoting the hours and hours weekly to it that it requires, I think I may be, almost without meaning to, re-engineering my life.

This started for me, really, last Spring -- a year ago -- when I spent a few very happy months volunteering at a wildlife rehabilitation hospital. I had to give it up as the ducklings got bigger, since there was no way I could leave my shift at 1pm, covered head to toe in duck muck, grab lunch on the fly, and head to the office. A little too smelly, and the time to run home, take a shower and change, made it ridiculous to then drive into the city. Anyway, I loved it, but had to give it up.

The time spent volunteering was dream-time. I was thoroughly happy, even when I was washing dishes or making owl food (cutting up mice with scissors) or folding endless piles of laundry -- utterly delighted to be in the company of animals, to be of assistance to them.

And I remembered: that that's what I always wanted when I was a kid, to be around animals. There was that long stretch of time with Medora, writing an endless report about cats [which proves what wonderful and weird kids we were: that we wrote a report for fun, on an animal that neither one of us could have since family allergies prevented it]; there was my fascination with the circus; there was Pancho, our dog, and Silky, my hamster; and there were dreams of being a vet.

I don't know exactly what will come of taking this Biology class. It may be enough to indulge this thirst to know more, to devote the time to acquiring this knowledge that unlocks the magic of how things work.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that it will be more than that. That this is the beginning of the un-folding of Something. And not knowing what exactly that Something is, just feeling it as a potential, makes it all the more fun. If nothing else, it is carrying out my new recipe for happiness: do more of what you love, less of what you don't. The process itself is so fulfilling that any outcome is just icing on the cake.

And who doesn't love cake?!

New Rule: When sad, make cookies

Making cookies in a time of distress has two fabulous things going for it:

1) you're doing something, granted not something hard, but something with your hands that also involves reading and following instructions. Engaging in cookie baking is a delightful distraction from the woes du jour.

2) you get to eat them, lightening a dark time but putting something sweet and tasty in your mouth.

Note that you don't even have to go all the way through to baking them to reap the twofold reward.

I'm not 100% sure but it does seem to me that Cookies kick Cancer's ass. I am feeling better already.

Cancer is SO on my Shit List

We found out today that our beloved 11 1/2 year old dog Jasper has cancer. We don't know how bad it is yet, but it's bad. On Monday they'll run tests to see whether the cancer is also present in his lungs and/or liver. Since it's a melanoma in his mouth, which has a deep root, they have mentioned, so far, removing a part of his jaw. This is an idea I just can't stand. He is such a beautiful creature, I can't imagine cutting into him in this way... But I'm keeping an open mind until we hear more about prognosis and treatment options from the vet.

We took him for a walk this afternoon, mostly for the sheer joy of watching him prance along in the sun. Every little thing he does now, we see through different eyes, wondering if it's the cancer. And I keep reminding myself that a week ago, he already had the cancer and I wasn't sad. The only difference today is that I know it, I know he has cancer. I am remembering what I learned from something I read recently, that it isn't external circumstances that cause suffering - it's your thoughts about external circumstances that cause suffering. So I'm working on not repeating the story to myself that my dog is going to die, and instead I'm trying to enjoy him while I can. And of course, crying my eyes out repeatedly.

Since my sister also has cancer right now, and Alex just finished chemo for cancer, and I work for an organization whose mission it is to prevent breast cancer, I am seriously feeling cancer-ed out right now. Cancer is the cancer.

I am so over it.

Full List of 2008 Books

2008 was a good year for reading - not my best year by far, but still over 30 titles. I would like to do better in 2009!

* Bitter Sweets, Roopa Farooki
* Run, Ann Patchett
* The Reluctant Fundamentalist, Mohsin Hamid
* The Stone Gods, Jeanette Winterson
* Wizard of Earthsea, Ursula LeGuin
* You Don't Love Me Yet, Jonathan Lethem
* Namako, Linda Watanabe McFerrin
* The War of the Worlds, H.G. Wells
* Tarzan of the Apes, Edgar Rice Burroughs
* A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle
* Dune, Frank Herbert
* After Dark, Haruki Murakami
* The Moon and Sixpence, W. Somerset Maugham
* A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Hosseini
* Oaxaca Journal, Oliver Sacks
* A Feast of Crows, George R. R. Martin
* House of Many Gods, Kiana Davenport
* Unaccustomed Earth, Jhumpa Lahiri
* Eat, Pray, Live, Elizabeth Gilbert
* A Storm of Swords, George R. R. Martin
* A Clash of Kings, George R. R. Martin
* A Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin
* Man Gone Down, Michael Thomas
* The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle
* Peony in Love, Lisa See
* The Tenderness of Wolves, Stef Penney
* Ordeal by Hunger: The Story of the Donner Party, George R. Stewart
* Of Human Bondage, W. Somerset Maugham
* The Razor's Edge, W. Somerset Maugham
* Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Not listed but also consumed in 2008: The Power of Now and The New Earth, both by Eckhart Tolle.

Is it really post-worthy? Bel Air Plaza, Napa -- my new favorite shopping center

My friend Trixie and I had a three-hour yoga workshop in Calistoga on January 3rd. On our way back we stopped in an absolute dream of a shopping center - so amazing that we both thought we should immediately consider moving to Napa! For a certain demographic, clearly ours, this shopping center represented heaven on earth. And, of course, since it was heaven, there was no parking hassle.

Imagine if you will, all in one place:

Whole Foods
Peets
Trader Joe's
Cost Plus
Copperfield Books
Target
+ Pharmaca across the street

and a bunch of other stuff, like Orchard Supply and a small bath and body store (Sumbody, delicious!!). I don't know about you but that's most of the stores I either frequent regularly or love all in one place. The very idea of them all being next to each other was almost too much to believe.

And the Whole Food wasn't just any old Whole Foods. It put our puny, crowded, engineered-by-idiots Marin stores to shame. Seriously, we walked around the Whole Foods completely dumb-struck - it was huge. The prepared food section was easily the size of half of the San Rafael Whole Foods, and included a taqueria where they'd build a burrito or tacos in front of your eyes, a gelato bar, a huge salad bar and hot foods too including 15 soups and stews. They also have a wine bar, and what feels like the contents of an entire Elephant Pharmacy under the same roof. Unbelievable. And enough room in the aisles for 4 carts!!!!! It was the first time I've been in a Whole Foods in a long time and not had the urge to kick someone - there was actually enough room to move around in. And no hassle of trying to park in a minuscule lot packed with Volvo SUVs, either... Like I said, heaven.

Of course I realize that this is entirely ridiculous for lots of reasons, not least of which is that this experience followed a three-hour yoga workshop. The irony of going from a long practice dedicated to the happiness of all beings, to a goofy epiphany of luxe eco-yuppie shopping is not at all lost on me. But maybe that workshop is part of the reason why we walked around feeling like we were visiting from another planet, just stunned at how spacious everything was, how pretty, how thoughtful, with plenty of space to breathe. How wonderful, how ease-filled it felt compared to the stress and tight quarters of our usual experience.

I'm not saying that I will regularly drive up there just to take advantage of all of those stores in one place. That would be excessive, even in the Prius. But it is really nice to know that somewhere that combination exists, and with all that room. Just knowing it's there -- little shining possibility -- that's enough.