The Carla Update, such as it is
Tuesday, December 18, 2012 at 10:54AM 
unanswered texts since Sept 2012Well, the Embargo is back on, has been in effect since September. And by Embargo, I mean the total ban on my family -- that is, me and my parents and, I imagine, my middle sister -- having any contact whatsoever with my youngest sister Carla, diagnosed with glioblastoma, a terrible form of brain cancer, in December 2008.
We were embargoed from sometime early in 2009 through to about a year ago, when the news from the doctors was so dire that we were allowed back in.
And then came 8 months of visits, weekly by my parents, less frequent by me, especially when after back surgery I wasn't allowed to drive myself anywhere for 6 weeks.
The visits were good. The visits were sad. We had lunch, we got pedicures, we visited and enjoyed my adorable little niece. I picked up the insane $5 coffee drinks at my sister's command via cell phone as I was driving down -- tall decaf peppermint mocha with extra whipped cream, no sprinkles, in a Vente cup.
Yeah, when I'm dying, I'll have extra whipped cream, too, please.
I won't lie: it was a mixed bag all around. My sister was still sharp, but physically weakened, more every time. I always left those visits feeling frustrated, with a migraine brewing, born of the tension of not talking about anything of any kind of significance, of having to watch my vocabulary constantly inside my sister's life of pretentious piety, walking on eggshells inside the house of cards she rules so imperiously.
But still, it was something. I was glad to have her back in my life.
And then in September, my parents made one false move and the gate came slamming back down on us. No matter how many meals they brought or took them out to. No matter the number of presents. No matter the number of Sundays devoted to the visit. No matter the number of checks written to try and ease some of my sister's family's penury. Nope. They got on the wrong side of my brother-in-law, again, and that was it.
Done, finished. Don't text us, don't call, don't email. Just leave us alone.
We'll let you know when we're ready for company.
Company?!
OK.
It's a crazy, hard thing to be in this boat. Particularly since my parents were able to hear from Carla's doctor last week, that whereas the cancer had spent the past three years growing slowly, it has now picked up pace.
They're saying 2 months.
Just two months of life.
And even so, I apparently can't get my foot back in the door.
It's so frustrating, so confusing, so irritating and so sad, all at the same time. I would like to throttle my brother-in-law for not having the sense of a goose. I would like to scream at him about the amount of pain he is causing my parents by keeping them out. I would like to tell him how much I appreciate all he's done for my sister all these years, all he continues to do. I would like to see my niece.
I would really, really like to see my sister.
But instead I stew in this weird brew and hope that I don't find out about my sister's death by reading about it in the obituaries. And think about just letting it all go. Letting it go and not wanting anything or hoping for anything, but just accepting this exile from my sister's existence, not taking it personally, but just stopping trying altogether.
I'm working on it, but it ain't easy.
Reader Comments (2)
I just want to scream! AHHHHHHHH!
This breaks my heart. Carla needs her family. It's been ten years since I was last in contact with her, and I don't know her husband, but I know she loves her family.