BUWC (Breaking Up With Crazy): Dogma, here's your hat...
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 10:23AM Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear: this final stage of my Break-up with Crazy has been coming a long time and is now unavoidable. I've been hesitating on the brink of this for some time, but events of the past week all of the words of the past week are pushing me to take the action that has been building in urgency for some time.
Quick refresh: my Break-up with Crazy started in 2011, as an unexpected consequence of my many resolutions for the year, an extension, you might say, of my theme of viveka, discernment, of learning to Say No to Say Yes.
First, I broke up with my crazy-ass job, then moved on to BUWC in the form of my crazy waxing-lady who'd done my eyebrows and nether-regions since 1996, and then my hairdresser with whom I'd been in relationship for a couple of years. You might be thinking oh, how silly, this is so beneath my notice, you're talking such petty girl-talk, but I'm being serious right now. Breaking up with those two -- drawing a line in the sand and saying, uh yeah, you Crazy, you stay over there, I don't want anything to do with you, and I certainly don't want to be bitten by your dog anymore -- that represented a significant shift for me. In my life, I drive and reserve the right to refuse transport to Crazy. Done.
Second, I broke up with the estheticians I auditioned to take the place of Crazy. In the past I might have been too socially-awkward to say plainly to their faces that it wasn't working and just give them another chance. But in 2011 I mustered the wherewithal to say No, in order to say Yes. As a result, I'm now in relationship with the fantastic Siren Salon, where I wish I could just live, and my eyebrows are looking fantastic, thank you very much.
Seriously, here's the point. Breaking Up With Crazy is all about me taking action to ensure that I have a life that makes sense, that serves me and my unfolding creativity in every possible way, that doesn't carry forward bad habits and shoddy service from the past just because. It's about choosing in every moment, seeing clearly and choosing. This is my one life and I assert the right to call the shots, to decide who's in and who's out, what's moving me toward fulfillment of all aspects of me as a person and what is most assuredly not. And that's a constant examination, a constant exercise of discernment.
And so I bring you what I think may be the final step in my liberation from Crazy.
I hereby officially Break Up with Dogma in all forms.
I am officially done being lectured to, having fingers wagged at me, by the Dogmatic. I am no longer listening, bound by rules of politeness and civility, to nonsense in any form. I am no longer defending other people's dogma either, bound by rules of tolerance and live and let live. I don't care if you're older than me or younger than me, more educated than me or less so -- I am completely Done with people telling me how and what to think. I'm doing just fine in that department, thanks. Got it covered.
This doesn't mean that I won't continue to be a student all my life. But I will recognize and choose my teachers myself, thanks. And when a teacher ceases to serve me, then I will do what's necessary: I will walk away.
When the Emperor's booty is showing, I'm going to say so, no matter the dogma.
Because here's the thing about dogma: mostly it's a load of bullshit designed to protect power, to keep things as they are, to maintain a status quo that someone, generally not you, is benefitting from.
Right now that big flash of moon, that white ass hanging out for all to see: that moon is lighting the way for me to take this step I've been needing to take for a long time. Because in my life, the place where I'm hit with the most dogma, especially recently, is in yoga. That's sad, right, but I am clear on it now, clear enough to say to John Friend: for Anusara, for the elegance of the universal principles of alignment, for the teachers you trained and who have trained me and given me the gift of yoga for over 7 years now, I thank you. But you have nothing to teach me about the Dharma of Relationships -- which I understand you're speaking on this weekend in Miami, even as a scandal about a pattern of screwing your married students has come to light. Eeeew. I'm calling Bullshit.
I choose my friends with care. I nurture those relationships and endeavor always, as a matter of principle, to keep good company. We are the company we keep -- so to me it matters a great deal that the people I spend time with, and that the people I give money to, be Good, by which I mean they conduct themselves honorably. Sure, they can make mistakes. We all do. But in a time of crisis, when they fuck up, do they stand tall and take their lumps like grown-ups? Spin and denial and jargon: eeeeew.
I'm nobody -- I'm not a fancy cover-girl on Yoga Journal or a big-time yogi on a poster, or a person who's been teaching Anusara for a gazillion years. I'm just me, the devoted student who takes that spot, center of the front row, at the feet of the teacher, ready to learn, eager to grow. And I learn and I grow.
And never stop thinking for myself.
I'm grateful, really, for all that's happened in the past week, for finally the truths that so many people have known for years but not spoken, to be out in the open. I'm not choosing anybody's side except my own when I say So long, dogma: pack up your shit and get out. I'm sure there's other people who will take you in, but you and me: we're done. Life really is too short for bullshit. All I want is less Crazy in my life. Reality can be challenging enough -- do I have to mention more than cancer as an example of challenge? -- without Dogma mucking things up, spinning and filling our heads with nonsense.
By the light of this particular moon, I'm done. I'm free. I'm Broken Up With Crazy, once and for all.
Reader Comments (3)
rock on, lady. so glad you wrote this.
having closed my FB a few months ago, i'm sorta out of the loop with the local peeps' reactions, so i'm grateful for your honest response. for the first time in my life i understand what "the silence is deafening" means, exactly.
wishing you nothing but the best.
sweet lordy - you said it all so perfectly....and it made me laugh out loud, too which feels just fine right now! you go on with your crazy, amazing self...
word!