"It is not a vacation."

Phacelia tanacetifolia, credit: Sensual Starfish (Flickr)As I'm counting down the days now -- days left until surgery, days left at my job until S+6 as I'm calling it, surgery followed by 6 weeks of disability -- my sweet husband keeps reminding me that these six weeks off are not a vacation.

Well, duh.

Still, it's hard not to get excited about not having to go to my job from May 16th until July.  JULY.  And as much as I know those six weeks are about giving myself enough time to really and truly heal, as much as I'm trying not to make a really long To Do list for that period, well, guess what?  I'm making a really long To Do list.  I can't help myself.  

So far The List is pretty boring stuff: catch up on bills, complete our 2011 taxes.  But it's also re-do our business website, read a ton, write a ton, visit the Academy of Sciences at least two times, visit Paxton Gate at least as many times as that, get my entry into the Marin County Fair together, work on my blog/book project, read more, have the best garden EVER, including growing new stuff I've never grow before like sesame (just ordered a packet of seed from Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's place) and Phacelia (pictured).   

The way I imagine this six weeks off is that for once, I'll get to actually watch summer unfold.  For once, I'll get to actually be there to see the seeds we plant break through the soil, watch them unfurl their little leaves, raise their stems toward the sun.  No matter what, it's going to be totally dreamy.

Like a vacation, except better.

Better because I'm not going anywhere.  Better because I'll just be home, in my house and garden that I love so much, with no pressure to be anywhere else.  Better -- rude, as it may sounds -- because it'll be just me, day in, day out, making progress on whatever's on my list.  And having mid-week lunch dates where I'm not watching the clock, trying to get back before the allowed lunch break is up.  

This not-vacation will give me a chance to heal my back and give me a little taste of the state I long for, that state of not needing to leave the paradise I call home 5 days a week to earn a paycheck.  What if I could just find a way to stay here?  For six whole weeks, I'll be able to do just that and figure out how to do it even more.

So yeah, it's not a vacation.  It's better. It's six whole weeks on my own.  Six whole weeks of my own.

Totally, completely dreamy.